SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Sharon Bialek, the first of many women to go public with accusations of sexual harassment against Herman Cain, called the former presidential candidate’s drop from the race a “vindication.” Cain announced that he was suspending his campaign last week after another woman came forward with allegations of a long-term extramarital affair in which she was the mistress. Political analysts from all sides have been left to speculate whether Cain will resume his bid or give another candidate, potentially Newt Gingrich, his endorsement. Pundit Ferrel Michaels opined: “Cain’s support of Gingrich could really solidify votes from conservative Christian adulterers, who would otherwise have no place to turn. Cain has enough hate in his heart to be a good evangelical, but his ethnicity has long posed problems for this particular group. Certainly, though, his experience as a serial cheater may help push Gingrich loyalists past their racism.”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Embattled presidential hopeful Herman Cain told his staffers Tuesday that he is reassessing his campaign after allegations surfaced Monday about a 13-year affair he carried on with a Georgia woman named Ginger White. Many analysts have already written Cain off as a viable contender, leaving him to fester at the bottom of the heap with Rick Santorum, who recently embarked on a new tour across the nation to ask voters if they knew whether he was still running in the GOP race.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Last week, Congress incurred the ire of food activists, conscientious parents and the USDA by declaring that pizza is still “a vegetable” for the purposes of school nutritional guidelines. With the Super Committee at an unsurprising impasse and the economy continuing to stagnate, finding ways of cutting government spending remains at the top of lawmakers’ lists. During the financial crisis of the 1980s, then President Ronald Reagan tried to reduce school lunch funding by classifying ketchup as one of the required servings of vegetables. It was cheaper than broccoli, peas or greens, and children would eat it willingly. But as the Reagan Era of Reason gave way to the left-leaning lunacy of Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, spending returned to dangerous levels. Critics point to Clinton’s enactment of NAFTA, which allows cheap foreign farms to drive up the price of U.S. agriculture, and Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity movement, which mandates that children eat expensive produce, as the kind of pricey socialism ruining the country.

Photo courtesy Irrational Games

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The Federal Housing Finance Agency introduced new rules Monday to provide underwater homeowners the opportunity to refinance their mortgages at lower rates through the federal Home Affordable Refinance Program (HARP). The agency estimates that nearly a million homeowners could take advantage of the program by the end of 2013. To date, HARP has helped only a fraction of the people it was designed to assist, partly because the homeowners seeking to refinance have been denied by the banks. The banks themselves are under no obligation to refinance mortgages worth less than the value of the properties. By easing eligibility rules, the Obama administration hopes to remedy the situation. But GOP candidate Herman Cain attacked the program immediately, saying, “Have we all gone nuts? Houses underwater? When we first started talking about a housing bubble, I didn’t think we literally meant a big ole air bubble in the briny deep. We’re trying to lower taxes and enforce accountability for irresponsible financial decisions. What message are we sending when we bail out the near-sighted owners of submarine properties? It’s okay to fail up? Well, it ain’t. It’s not our fault they didn’t build houses on land.”

In Support, San Narciso Based Republican Candidate Unveils Health Care Credit Card Plan

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Based on the audience reaction to the discussion of treating America’s ill and uninsured, which took place during Monday’s Tea Party sponsored debate, letting poor people die on the streets could be the solution to cutting taxes and lowering the deficit. Host Wolf Blitzer posed a hypothetical question to Texas Rep. Ron Paul, a doctor, asking how society should respond to a healthy 30-year-old man who decides against buying health insurance but then requires intensive care for six months after falling into a coma. As a Libertarian, Paul is a staunch limited-government advocate. He said the treatment of this patient should not be the government’s burden to bear alone: “That’s what freedom is all about, taking your own risks.” But the rabid applause from the audience drowned Paul out before he could clarify his statement. Blitzer also interrupted and asked, “Are you saying that society should just let him die?” Several loud cheers of “yeah!” erupted from the crowd, followed by laughter. Most of the candidates later admitted to being taken aback by the response, but they defended the crowd’s “passionate” sentiments.

On Tuesday, San Narciso’s own F. Chester Greene, a new dark horse candidate entering the race, explained, “I understand what they were really saying. That the best way to cut taxes is to cut out those drains on the system: in this case, the poor, uninsured and terminally ill. Especially immigrants. I see it as an opportunity to get creative with health care options. Unlike my peers, I have a plan.”

Image courtesy of POLITICO

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Reporting live on Twitter from the sports bar at Piers Addleson’s Pea House, Bennington Vale Evening Transcript staffers spent Wednesday evening covering the Reagan Library Republican Presidential Debate. Highlights, revelations and surprises from the event follow. Special thanks to Piers and Astrid Addleson for reserving space in the bar at the last minute for our reporters, who were aggressively denied press passes to the venue.

DES MOINES, Iowa. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- With Iowans held in thrall by the cortege of presidential candidates overtaking Ames, not to mention a guest appearance by Sarah Palin at the Iowa State Fair, none seemed to capture as much attention as former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain. During the GOP debate, Cain wowed the audience with his pithy, sometimes surreal responses to questions, which invoked the two muses closest to his heart: Italian pies and disco queen Donna Summer.