Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Amid Ginger White Scandal, Herman Cain Reassesses Campaign but Vows to Reach Out and Tap Female Base Harder than Ever

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Embattled presidential hopeful Herman Cain told his staffers Tuesday that he is reassessing his campaign after allegations surfaced Monday about a 13-year affair he carried on with a Georgia woman named Ginger White. Many analysts have already written Cain off as a viable contender, leaving him to fester at the bottom of the heap with Rick Santorum, who recently embarked on a new tour across the nation to ask voters if they knew whether he was still running in the GOP race.

Of Ginger White’s accusations, Cain denied the affair and claimed he had merely attempted to help her “financially because she was out of work and destitute, desperate.” In return, Cain said he’d sought only a special friendship with handy benefits from a woman who understood his needs and could get into his head the way his wife could not.

Critics and opponents scoffed at Cain’s explanation of altruism, saying it flew in the face of his previously proposed economic plans.

“What’s this one called, 36-24-36?” asked Governor Rick Perry.

Ferrel Michaels, a progressive pundit, said: “It would certainly mark the first time Cain has considered making a member of the One Percent give back to the Ninety-nine Percent without trying to screw them. So I’m not buying it. When referencing Herman Cain and the Ninety-nine Percent in the same conversation, I think the figure represents the unemployed and impoverished less than it does the number of women he’s diddled in the executive washroom.”

But Cain’s defenders and strategists defended his reassessment of the campaign as a paradigm shift, not resignation.

“We’re reorienting our approach to attract new voters,” said Leonora Nasskuss, a Cain campaign manager. “Based on updated polling data, we’ve decided that Herman’s going to reach out, touch and tap his female base harder than ever.”

Prior to Ginger White’s allegations, Cain had been polling favorably at 20 to 30 percent -- an impressive result for a political neophyte. Since Monday, however, he’s slid into the mid-teens faster than a Penn State football coach.

Nasskuss clarified that the polling numbers fail to accurately tell the whole story. She said: “If you look at the data, 15 percent of the people approve of Cain and 50 percent of the people disapprove. But within that spectrum, the remaining 35 percent are probably sleeping with Herman Cain. If we can keep those women happy, there’s no reason Cain’s poll shouldn’t rise back up quickly.”

(c) 2011. See disclaimers.

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