Monday, November 28, 2011

Area Mayor Authorizes Use of Deadly Force Against Occupy Protesters, Citing Internal Terrorism

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Although the mayor’s office released a public apology Friday for the accidental pepper-sprayings and beatings sustained by Black Friday shoppers whom police had mistaken for Occupy protesters, county officials announced Monday that more severe tactics will be used to suppress the demonstrations. “Dreadful as the incident was,” said Mayor Manny DiPresso, “it validated that the Occupy movement has become a more dangerous threat to San Narciso than originally believed. I’ve been consulting with F. Chester Greene, our own Republican candidate for president, who has proven to me that these protests are nothing short of internal terrorism. In fact, only two of the ten Occupy SN protesters have been verified as county residents. That means other factions are invading our town in a violent attempt to undermine our economy and our way of life. At this point, we can’t ignore the fact that nothing differentiates these radicals from the terrorists who masterminded 9/11. They will be treated accordingly.”

SNPD spokesperson Ren Williams endorsed the decision and explained that the Occupy SN movement has gone beyond an expression of disappointment about perceived economic disparities among “classes.”

“We certainly support the rights of citizens to peaceably assemble,” Williams said, “but that’s not what’s happening here. It’s turned into a flagrant breach of the law. Overnight camping is a very serious crime, under the category of vagrancy. Often times, we’re required to hold down sleeping campers, pry their mouths open and force gallons of pepper spray down their throats. Otherwise, they’ll keep on sleeping and breaking the law.”

Critics outside San Narciso County chided the police for misleading the public by branding the protests as violent, pointing out that no occupiers have been armed or engaged in acts of assault or battery.

F. Chester Greene, local 2012 White House hopeful, condemned the criticisms: “This is the same attitude that opened the floodgates for the attacks of September 11. Hubris. Ego. Complacency. ‘Oh, it couldn’t possibly happen here,’ is what we were told. Well, Los Angeles can burn for all I care. I’m here to protect my community, my state, my nation. If individual cities decide to invite terrorism, they’re on their own. Where I come from, we call that ‘thinning the herd.’ But make no mistake about it: this is terrorism. Depicting the Occupy movement as non-violent, simply because these protesters have done nothing but sit around the park and hold up signs, is juvenile and ignorant.”

Greene further drew a parallel between the Occupy groups and the political conflict with the U.S.S.R. from 1946 to 1991.

Addressing a delegation of concerned citizens gathered at Bennington Vale City Hall, Greene said: “What was the greatest war America ‘never’ fought? The Cold War. Lives were lost, countries were conquered, internal enemies such as the Rosenbergs -- who sold our secrets to the Soviets -- were executed. Treason ran amok through America, and hundreds were blacklisted. Sure, no missiles were fired, but how can one say there was an absence of violence? To claim we’re not embroiled in a Cold War with these Occupy terrorists is to wave a white flag of surrender to communism. Not on my watch.”

Greene also attacked the very nature of the Occupy message: “Right now, entitled kids have overtaken the institutions that fuel our economy -- the backbone of America’s strength. They’re attempting to destroy capitalism by crippling the one percent who actually work, create jobs and bring in money. How is this different than flying a plane into a financial building? It’s the same damn suicide mission. In the end, they’ll ruin the nation and their own prospects for success. And they’ll go down in flames with nothing more than a message of hate. They’re traitors. And as Thomas Jefferson declared, traitors should be shot dead on the White House lawn.”

Ren Williams advised that the infiltration of protesters from other counties has caused the police to employ stronger measures: “SNPD is very concerned about the presence of occupiers from places like the seedy North Viaduct area and Los Angeles County. These communities, if you can call them that, breed gun runners and drug dealers and criminals. Under counsel of our counter-terrorism agencies, we’re preparing for a full-blown arms race between counties. Maybe even neighborhoods, if it comes to that.”

After weighing all the options, Mayor DiPresso begrudgingly authorized the use of deadly force Monday afternoon. Police and National Guardsmen will mobilize on Tuesday to expel all Occupy personnel from the county. Any persons suspected of sympathizing with or assisting the demonstrators will be rounded up and detained for questioning. Armored vehicles will also be positioned along the borders of San Narciso.

Starting Wednesday, residents of all cities within the jurisdiction are required to register at the County Clerk’s office with proof of citizenship and residency. Badges will be provided to identify the indigenous population. Authorized employees living outside the county line may be eligible to receive temporary work visas. All others will be processed through a newly created immigration bureau at the Lake Inverarity Social Hall. Those caught roaming the city without visible identification tags, especially after the 6:00 p.m. curfew, could be shot on sight by patrols stationed throughout the region.

“Better safe than sorry,” DiPresso said. “I’d rather lose a few innocent people to caution than thousands to negligence. There’s nothing more un-American than allowing the invasion and occupation of a sovereign land by outside forces. I’m not prepared to give up the America for which our Founders sacrificed. Otherwise, all our efforts domino like a house of cards.”

(c) 2011. See disclaimers.