Monday, August 6, 2012
Romney to Outsource Vice Presidency to India
The leaders of Romney's VP exploratory committee indicated to reporters that Romney's ideal running mate would be a governor with experience managing a state. But elected officials holding high offices in the United States can cost up to 90 percent more than their equivalents in India.
"Bobby's just a dream come true for us," Yetterskline gushed. "Not only is he a governor, he's an Indian American. Growing up, he worked extensively with computers, ran a mail order software business and worked the concessions stand during LSU football games. So, he's no stranger to toiling away at menial jobs, running outsourced distribution centers or assisting with IT needs -- for dimes on the dollar. As most people know, White House administrations are notoriously behind the times where technology is concerned, so having an in-house help desk guy will do wonders for President Mitt."
Yetterskline also pointed out the lengths to which Jindal has gone to assimilate with Republican culture.
"He abandoned Hinduism, the religion in which he was raised, and converted to Catholicism," Yetterskline explained. "He also supports cutting education and killing Obamacare. As an Indian, he knows a country can thrive with unprecedented illiteracy rates and abominable living conditions. He also adopted that ridiculous southern accent. I know the workers in Indian call centers are trained to imitate the dialects of Americans, but Bobby's is impeccable. Giving up your heritage and your culture is what separates Indian sweatshop managers from the indentured workers. Bobby's the epitome of management."
Best of all, Yetterskline added, Jindal is anti-immigration: "Being an anchor baby himself, he understands how detrimental people like himself and his parents are to the prosperity of America."
Yetterskline anticipates Romney's official announcement of Jindal's selection within the next few weeks.
(c) 2012. See disclaimers.