Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Smithsonian Guards on Suicide Watch after Claiming Museum Pieces Come to Life After Hours

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Officials in Washington D.C. evacuated the Hirshhorn Museum at the Smithsonian Monday after a guard was discovered dead. Investigators determined the cause of death to be a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Representatives from the Smithsonian Institute told police the guard killed himself with his service revolver in the locker room located in the basement of the facility. The suicide is believed to have taken place around 3:00 p.m. EDT. Apart from museum officials, no one from the public witnessed the incident and no other parties were injured or involved. The guard's name has been withheld from the press. Although the victim left no suicide note or indication of his motives, co-workers on the graveyard shift admitted the "disturbing" environment was driving them to consider similar actions. All have reported suffering recently from abnormal amounts of stress, which has sometimes led to hallucinations that the exhibits come alive.

Washington D.C. police, after speaking with employees at the building, said they will be expanding their interviews to friends and family to determine whether the guard had a history of mental illness or schizophrenia. In the meantime, the other security workers have been placed on medical leave for suicide watch and psychological observation.

"It's difficult for us to draw any meaningful conclusions at this point, but the victim's peers have spun some pretty wild yarns about 'goings on' after hours at the museum," said Sgt. Hank Jeston of the Metro Police.

Jeston said other security personnel told him they were convinced museum exhibits were coming to life after the building closed to the public each evening.

"It all started, they claimed, when a new piece from an Egyptian excavation was brought in," Jeston explained. "Some sort of hieroglyphic tablet. After the first night, the victim appeared agitated when the morning detail reported for work. A week later, administrators at Hirshhorn noticed the behavior of all nightshift guards becoming increasingly erratic. I've had three guards tell me that dinosaur bones have been chasing them around the facility, that a mischievous capuchin monkey torments them, and that they have befriended a talking bust of Teddy Roosevelt who is apparently in love with a wax statue of Pocahontas. We really don't know what to make of it. They're all crazy, they're all on drugs, there's something in the water, who knows? But we're keeping the building closed until we can find out."

(c) 2012. See disclaimers.

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