Saturday, February 9, 2013

California Town Tries Inviting Christopher Dorner to a Picnic

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Lago, Calif., a small town near Mono Lake, has taken the unorthodox step of inviting ex-LAPD murder suspect Christopher Dorner to a picnic. Despite aggressive efforts by many police departments to hunt down Dorner, few results have been produced. Residents admit feeling frightened and inadequately protected, even with the increased police presence and concentration of tactical resources. On Saturday, actor Charlie Sheen made the unusual move of imploring Dorner to call him directly. "You mentioned me in your manifesto, so thank you for your kind words. I am urging you to call me," Sheen said in a video posted on TMZ. "Let's figure out together how to end this thing." Following Sheen's more supportive and peaceful tactic, the mayor of Lago directed every member of his community to decorate the city and prepare an elaborate picnic to lure Dorner out of hiding.

"Believe it or not, this isn't the first time we've had to do something like this out of frustration," said Mayor Mordecai Curtis. "But it worked out well when our forebears tried it back in the late 1800s."

Dorner remains on the loose despite a regional manhunt across Southern California. He was fired in 2008 for making false statements, and stands accused of killing three people and wounding two others in what his 11,000-word manifesto called "unconventional and asymmetrical warfare" against his former comrades.

The search for Dorner has spanned San Diego, Los Angeles, Riverside and now the snowy forests of Big Bear, a ski resort east of L.A., where the well-armed fugitive was last believed to be hiding. Dorner terrifies police because he is no common psychopath with a gun and an agenda. He is a well educated, savvy and highly trained police officer and soldier. Prior to joining the LAPD, Dorner served in the U.S. Navy, where he was awarded the Iraqi Campaign Medal and National Defense Service Medal, the Global War on Terrorism Service Medal and honors for marksmanship.

His skills and intimate knowledge of police and military strategies have made tracking him a daunting and difficult endeavor. But the people of Lago said their town has successfully dealt with tough, elusive criminals like Dorner in the past.

"Strange as it sounds, the trick is to kill 'em with kindness. Then kill 'em," Curtis revealed.

He refused to divulge too many details to the media, but Curtis said the town of Lago welcomes Christopher Dorner.

"We think the authorities are going about this manhunt the wrong way. And we want to tell Christopher Dorner that he's cordially invited to a gala picnic in his honor. Hell, we may even paint the town red."

For more information, Curtis advised interested parties to reference the town's historical records, particularly a checkered incident at the close of nineteenth century that involved a Marshall Jim Duncan, David Drake of the Lago Mining Company, and three hired guns -- Stacey Bridges, Dan Carlin and Cole Carlin.

(c) 2013. See disclaimers.