LONDON, U.K. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Rebekah Brooks, the former head of Rupert Murdoch's British newspapers, and Prime Minister David Cameron have enjoyed a friendship with each other for years, involving secretive phone calls and even horses, but the full extent of their cozy relationship was revealed Thursday after the disclosure of an embarrassing and professionally incriminating text message at the Leveson Inquiry. The juiciest morsel in the not-at-all-sexually-charged text from Brooks to Cameron read: "I am so rooting for you tomorrow not just as a personal friend but because professionally we're definitely in this together. Speech of your life? Yes he Cam!" The message, originally sent the night before Cameron's speech to the Annual Conference, reinforced the image of a government in bed with a powerful media clique. Prior to that, during the last general election campaign, Cameron and Brooks exchanged up to two text messages a week, with Cameron signing off "LOL" -- meaning "lots of love." Unfortunately, that was it. The court disproved the existence of a dirty, forbidden, fetish-ridden, and shameful sexual affair, which caused chaos throughout the suburbs of London.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Rupert Murdoch's News International paid restitutions to seven more prominent figures in the wake of the phone hacking scandal that brought down the News of the World tabloid. In a statement released Tuesday, the company said it had settled claims brought by Princess Diana's former lover James Hewitt, lawmaker Mark Oaten, model Abi Titmuss, theatrical agent Michelle Milburn, television personalities Ukrika Jonsson and Calum Best, and Paul Dadge, who helped rescue victims during the 2005 terrorist bombings in London. The scandal erupted after authorities discovered that journalists and private investigators on the Murdoch payroll had routinely hacked into the phones of celebrities, politicians, professional athletes and crime victims. Struggling to recover profits, confidence in leadership and public trust, CEO Rupert Murdoch announced today that his media empire would be giving back to society with a special holiday gift for the children of the world.

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- According to entertainment sources, Scarlett Johansson has contacted the FBI to investigate naked pictures of her leaked Wednesday to BuzzFeed, a popular viral media site. The 26-year-old actress was also listed among more than 50 celebrities whose email accounts and smartphones had been hacked by paparazzi looking for dirt. The distorted photos posted Wednesday show a woman who appears to be Johansson, taking iPhone pictures of her bare backside and breasts. Agents at the FBI, however, said they won’t prioritizing this particular complaint: “In the case of Ms. Johansson, our offices understand that nearly every male over the age of 20 in Hollywood has seen her naked in hotel rooms, elevators, lounges, cars, dog walking parks, Kinkos, gas stations, sporting events, churches, ice cream socials, the DMV, you name it. The public distribution of these images should be a non-issue. But we are still looking into the criminal aspect of the trespass.”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The San Narciso Police Department had an unusually busy week according to officers. Between Sunday and Thursday, units found themselves responding to a series of disturbance calls during performances of The Tank Players’ theatrical production of “It’s a Small World.” Several arrests were made, including a local high school football coach. A homemaker who confessed to various acts of terrorism and jihad was also detained for questioning by authorities, but was later released without being charged. SNPD spokesman Ren Williams said, “We’ve never seen anything quite like this. For whatever reason, about midway through the musical, people begin airing all their wrongdoings to the world. It's like watching a suspect break under enhanced interrogation -- just saying anything to make the pain stop. We’re still looking into it. For the time being, though, all upcoming performances have been cancelled.”

LONDON, U.K.. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Parliament released new documents Tuesday that contradicted the testimony given to lawmakers last month by James Murdoch about News International’s role in the now infamous phone hacking scandal. During the hearing, Murdoch had denied that he knew of an email that included transcripts of 35 hacked conversations, but a former lawyer for News International named Tom Crone asserted that Murdoch was indeed aware of the electronic correspondence. “I have no doubt,” Crone’s letter read, “that I informed Mr. Murdoch of its existence, what it was and where it came from.” Given the obsessive and controlling management style attributed to Rupert Murdoch -- James Murdoch’s father and head of News International -- the revelation of this new evidence would seem to imply that the Murdochs were cognizant of and complicit in the illegal activities.

But in an intriguing turn of events, a day that threatened to impugn Rupert Murdoch’s reputation for ethics and integrity was turned around by news of his heroism, after London police reported that the octogenarian news mogul was responsible for saving the life of a drowning infant.

WASHINGTON, D.C (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On July 19, media mogul Rupert Murdoch began his testimony to members of Parliament with an apology: “This is the most humble day of my career.” He then admitted to making his “share of mistakes.” The proceedings, more than revealing substantive evidence of crimes throughout Murdoch’s empire, were dominated by different flavors of apologies. Murdoch said he and his son James were sorry “for what has happened -- especially with regard to listening to the voicemail of victims of crime.”

He specifically referenced slain 13-year-old Milly Dowler. News of The World staff allegedly hacked into her cell phone in 2002, even erasing some of the voicemail messages they accessed. “At no time do I remember being as sickened as when I heard what the Dowler family had to endure,” Murdoch testified in a statement released to the public. “I would like all the victims of phone hacking to know how completely and deeply sorry I am ... Apologizing cannot take back what has happened. Still, I want them to know the depth of my regret for the horrible invasions into their lives.”

If Murdoch’s toneless and rehearsed apologies weren’t enough, Karl Rove has inexplicably assembled a “GOP apology task force” to tell the rest of the world “sorry” on Murdoch’s behalf.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- With News Corp shares plummeting and testimonies commencing before British Parliament, Rupert Murdoch has been working on a rare apology letter, the first draft of which has been leaked across the Internet. However, researchers for The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript located what they believe to be the original copy that Murdoch posted on his MySpace page.

Murdoch purchased the social networking site in 2005, unwittingly believing MySpace would help News Corp control the Internet. He now posts private correspondence there, understanding that “it’s the least likely place Web surfers will look for anything.” And despite receiving an odd phone call from Australia urging us not to print the letter, made even stranger by the fact that our editorial staff had just discussed the idea on an internal conference call, the transcript follows. A copy of the actual letter may be accessed here.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The phone hacking scandal involving Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation brought down another high-profile figure in the United Kingdom on Monday when the assistant commissioner of London’s Metropolitan Police hastily resigned. His departure came one day after Rebekah Brooks, the former chief executive of News International, was arrested on suspicion of illicitly intercepting phone messages and bribing police officials for their complicity in the events. Across the pond in the United States, the FBI and the U.S. Justice Department have also launched preliminary investigations into reports that News Corp reporters may have tried to hack the phones of 9/11 victims. Further complicating matters and raising fresh concerns was Monday’s death of Sean Hoare, the News of the World journalist turned whistleblower who first broke the story to one of the handful of newspapers in the world not owned by Murdoch.