Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Palin’s Calls for Execution Drive Julian Assange into Hiding

LONDON, U.K. -- Julian Assange, the elusive and enigmatic figure behind WikiLeaks, has once again gone into hiding from the Swedish authorities who are pursing him for alleged sex crimes. Assange’s attorney Bjorn Hurtig said his client had removed himself from public gatherings over fears of being killed by U.S. forces.

“There were a lot of threatening statements made by politicians in the U.S., particularly Sarah Palin. You should keep in mind that during this period I’ve known Julian, he has actually received death threats in the media...that he should be given the death sentence,” Hurtig said via an interpreter in court on Tuesday. “Mrs. Palin hunts wild dogs from aircraft. What’s to say she won’t fly over to Europe and attack my client? As a consequence of this, Julian was duly worried.”

Republican politicians Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee have repeatedly called for Assange’s execution, according to British media. Palin is reported to have said that Assange “should be hunted down like al Qaeda.”

Swedish authorities, however, reminded Hurtig that statements of “such low substance” could not be taken seriously, nor justify the flight of a wanted suspect in a criminal proceeding.

“Given the United State’s atrocious and humiliating failure to hunt down and eradicate al Qaeda, what is Mr. Assange really afraid of?” asked one prosecutor in the case. “With such inept efforts to locate and kill a handful of lunatics, I’d say Mr. Assange is reasonably safe from harm. Only a retarded felon in a Texas prison would have a legitimate worry about his pending execution, which I’m told is fairly assured there.”

Sources close to Sarah Palin explained that the Tea Party darling would never employ such overt and impetuous ploys to persuade the United States military or intelligence agencies to assassinate Julian Assange.

Holly Tremsfardt, a Palin spokesperson, said, “Sarah’s tactics are much more subtle. Urging the armed forces to action over someone like Julian Assange would be an abuse of power. No, Sarah would find a way to rouse the people of Europe to duty. For example, she could start distributing maps with cross-hairs drawn over Julian’s face. She could instill a real sense of fear and uncertainty in those people, and make sure that they had access to firearms. In World War II, we got weapons over to England through a Cash and Carry program, because they didn’t have Second Amendment protections and therefore didn’t know how to make guns. We could institute a program like that again. A lot of the guys from ‘Deadliest Catch’ make port in Alaska. I’m sure we could strike a deal.”

Assange has said little in the press since he accused London-based paper The Guardian of defamation for printing an unfavorable biography of him after the collaboration between their two publications ended.

“They leaked classified police reports of the incident in Sweden without my consent,” Assange complained. “It demonstrates a disgusting lack of integrity and judgment, releasing sensitive information that could impugn a person’s character like that. I think it’s criminal.”

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