Friday, October 7, 2011

GOP Candidate F. Chester Greene Blames President Obama for Steve Jobs’ Death

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Not one to shy away from controversial public statements and championing the conservative agenda, even to uncomfortable degrees within the ranks of his own party, F. Chester Greene on Friday mysteriously filed charges with the California State Attorney General’s office that accused President Barack Obama of killing Apple co-founder Steve Jobs. Attorney General Kamala Harris could not be reached for comment, but her representatives said they had paid little attention to the complaint submitted by Greene.

Steve Jobs, the visionary genius behind Apple Inc., died October 5 from a rare pancreatic cancer. He was 56. Speaking to reporters from his campaign headquarters in Bennington Vale, Greene offered the following statement:

I didn’t know Steve Jobs, and I don’t agree with many of the things he stood for, but sometimes the ends justify the means. We live in a world that’s teetering precariously close to the edge of oblivion, and we’ve all been pushed to that precipice by the idea of “progress.” Right now, an army of entitled college students armed with computers has overtaken Wall Street to protest the backbone of America’s strength. How is this different than flying a plane into a financial building?

It was also recently announced that everything we know about “physics” and the “expansion of the universe” is wrong. I say, no duh, of course it is. But scientists are scrambling to reorient their theories. Instead of embracing the mysteries of God’s creation, they keep hitting roadblocks and trying to find new ways of stabbing their Creator in the back. Technology is forged on the anvils of Hell, my friends, and Hell is where it leads. But Steve Jobs was not cut entirely from this same cloth. He didn’t make computers that tried to figure things out or best their human creators. He made lifestyle devices that are easy to use and require no technical skills. Because of that, Apple products are the only ones I use. I even have an e-book in my reading app: the King James Bible.

I think you could make the case that Jobs chose the company’s logo to represent the dangers of too much knowledge. How messing with God’s law banishes us from Eden. Apple censors the content of the apps in its stores. Apple won’t allow Flash on its systems, which is the platform most commonly used by pornographers. Jobs also tried to curb the spread of too much technology by pricing his products way outside the range of most consumers.

Forget for a moment that Steve Jobs inadvertently embraced gays and deviants and bestiality and the demonic rise of inanimate objects, which was evident in the messages of those degenerate Pixar films; he must account for his sins before Christ. But somehow, he made products decent people could use, even if accidentally. Why, even our friends at the Westboro Baptist Church tweeted news of protesting Jobs’ funeral from their iMacs and iPhones. See, that’s what Apple products really pushed: communication and socialization. But the Obama administration is afraid of that. With the Tea Party gaining strength and new Apple products rolling out, I think the President was afraid of our opinions spreading. He wanted us silenced.

Now that Jobs is gone, the technology leaders remaining are the sodomites who make IBM’s Watson, Hubble telescopes, particle colliders and machines that measure neutrinos and dark energy, whatever immoral force that is. The satanists in science are winning, and the devout are running out of options. Next thing you know, one of these super computers is going to “prove” that climate change is “real.” I believe this was all part of Obama’s secular communist agenda. Lest we forget, my brothers and sisters, President Obama is responsible for killing all jobs since 2008. Add one more to his horrific record.

(c) 2011. See disclaimers.