Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Susan G. Komen Cuts Planned Parenthood Funding to Save Women from Wrath of Misogynistic God
Speaking on behalf of Komen was the organization's new vice president, former Georgia Secretary of State Karen Handel, whose push to defund Planned Parenthood during her failed gubernatorial run provides her a great deal of insight to the baby-killing industry.
Handel said, "Our decision is regrettable but necessary. In order to provide the invaluable support we do to women all over the United States, we can't risk running afoul of regulatory rules...or God Almighty."
Medical professionals argued that no substantive proof exists to show that terminating a pregnancy leads to increased risks of breast-cancer. Handel retorted by saying, "Scientific proof is irrelevant where faith is involved. Abortion is a sin, and breast-cancer is divine punishment. Frankly, I'm tired of hearing about a woman's right to choose. The Bible's pretty clear about what happens when women make choices."
Handel also announced that Komen would soon be abandoning its iconic pink ribbon for similar reasons.
"Pink is a color closely associated with homosexuals," Handel explained. "And we have been cursed by the plague of AIDS because of these deviant sodomites. By cutting our ties to the gay and lesbian community -- along with any gay rights groups we may have foolishly supported in the past -- we have an excellent chance of overcoming AIDS too."
(c) 2012. See disclaimers.