Monday, January 17, 2011

San Narciso Police Remind Residents To Celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day Safely

SAN NARCISO COUNTY PUBLIC SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT -- The San Narciso Police Department is reminding residents to observe today’s commemoration of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. safely and in the spirit of unity that Dr. King represented before his untimely demise. With the exception of Walmart, shopping malls, gas stations, grocery stores and restaurants, the majority of San Narciso County’s businesses are closed to observe the holiday. All federal offices and schools will also be closed. Traditionally, county schools remained open on MLK Day, but with the budget cuts and furloughs, today seemed like as good a day as any to give the students and teachers a break. Details can be found on the Community Events calendar.

San Narciso’s Angry Black Revolutionaries Against Caucasian Aristocracy, Despotism and Black Repression Association (ABRA CADABRA) has planned a parade in the North Viaduct area of the county. The festivities were originally slated for the recreational areas within the Lake Inverarity grounds, but the City Council has denied the application for a permit.

Mayor Manny DiPresso explained that “with such a large number of the county’s citizens planning to enjoy time off on this unseasonably warm day, all of the barbecue pits and parks had already been reserved. Having a parade march through the area posed a lot of issues with traffic control and safety. Also, the residents of this county are predominantly of non-African heritage. I’ve been told by several members of City Council and the Chamber of Commerce that they’re a bit gun-shy about celebrating an assassination; that a parade on such a day could come across as offensive to others. I think that this civility truly embraces what the day represents. For those who still wish to participate in the remembrance, the North Viaduct area will remain open to all interested parties. That said, the County assumes no responsibility for incidents of theft or vandalism if you choose to attend. As you well know, the County steadfastly continues to dispute ownership of the outlying North Viaduct area.”

Additional Safety Concerns
In November, five members of a small and sometimes militant African American rights group in San Narciso County were trampled to death outside the Gottsgeld department store in Santa Calcetines’ Buffum Plaza Mall. As originally reported by The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript on November 26:

The throng of rabid shoppers rushing out of the mall like a mythical Sumerian deluge was no match for the eight members of ABRA CADABRA protesting outside. After the massacre, most of the residents responsible for trampling and crushing five ABRA CADABRA representatives to death said they never even saw them.

SNPD spokesperson Ren Williams said that additional officers have been assigned patrol duties this afternoon to prevent any public safety issues.

“There will be an augmented presence around Lake Inverarity’s recreational facilities, but the bulk of the increased force will be stationed at the mall in Buffum Plaza,” Williams said. “Retailers there are expecting atypically large crowds of shoppers today, with the holiday and all. Our concern is for the safety of the 30 or so members of ABRA CADABRA. We don’t want a repeat of the Black Friday tramplings. Our officers will be on guard around the parking lots and store entrances in case they show up.”

Williams indicated that SNPD will not deploy a large detail of officers to the scheduled parade in the North Viaduct area.

“The North Viaduct area is where, I think, all of our African American community members live. As long as they stay sequestered there, safely away from the crowds by the lake and the shopping districts, we’re pretty sure their celebrations will proceed without incident. It’s unlikely that the rest of the county will disrupt their parade. I’m not even sure that most of the residents here are aware of the holiday’s purpose. One Yoyodyne employee told us that he thought the holiday was to honor Martin Luther, the theologian who instituted the Protestant Reformation in the sixteenth century. In fact, officers have already reported several notices of protest, neatly typed on personal stationery, nailed to the main doors of the county’s only Catholic church. So, we may need to send some officers there as well.”

Residents are encouraged to report any offense occurring in their neighborhood by calling 9-1-1.

Please feel free to forward this dispatch to any interested friends, family and associates.