"We certainly understand what this Christian-Muslim task force is hoping to achieve in Nigeria, but the U.S. has a pretty clear policy about getting involved in the affairs of sovereign nations," said Abel Carringsdonnt, a spokesperson for the Republican dominated House Committee on Foreign Affairs. "What's really being requested by the task force is a lot of meddling in several aspects of governance. But, we've received communication from one of Nigeria's displaced rulers -- a Prince Kufour Otumfuo -- who can restore wealth and order to his nation. He requires our help to regain his plundered inheritance. Our involvement would be minimal and temporary, according to his email."
Carringsdonnt on Wednesday released text from declassified sections of the emailed correspondence.
I am Prince Kufour Otumfuo the elder son of the late King Otumfuo Opoku ware II whose demise occur following a brief illness. Before the death of my father, King Otumfuo Opoku ware II, I was authorized and officially known as the next successor and beneficiary of my father's property according to African Traditional rite.
Most of my father's wealth includes over $60 million in cash assets and gold and diamonds worth the following qualities.
[Actual amounts, volumes, and details redacted as a matter of national security]
As a result of polygamous family, there has been a dead luck over the issue of division of my father's property between members of my family and community as a whole. In conjunction with this, the thrown which is only left to me as the eldest man in the family is been battled by the member of the twenty one hamlet that made up of Ashanti kingdom.
This ugly situation made me to secretly move the moneys and valuables having the above mentioned qualities into a security and finance firm with the assistance of my uncle whom serves as a secretary to Ashanti council of elders.
I cannot acquire this money in my name. I must solicit your assistance for the transfer. As we are unable to manage the transfer all by ourselves by virtue of our positions, I have therefore been delegated as a matter of trust by my colleagues to solicit for an overseas partner into whose account we would transfer the said sum.
Prince Kufour Otumfuo
Mr. Carringsdonnt also indicated that Prince Otumfuo committed to compensating the United States for its assistance with substantial quantities of oil (over 500,000 barrels to start), jewels, precious metals, and funds.
"This is something we could easily do without getting embroiled in regional politics or military actions," Carringsdonnt added. "We wouldn't have to do anything except facilitate a bank transfer; and as a result, we will have restored the legitimate leader of Nigeria back into power. This is honestly the best route for us, which is why we've appealed to the State Department."
Understanding that similar emails have been sent to countless Americans over the past few years -- with all of the royal's pleas apparently unanswered -- Carringsdonnt admitted to being shocked and concerned by the public's apathy.
"I'm just glad this email finally found its way to the right hands," he noted, wearing a smile of patriotism and pride. "Prince Otumfuo is hoping to complete the transaction within the next 10 days. To have an outcome of peace in a destabilized foreign government in less than a month would truly be a 'Mission Accomplished' moment."
The only obstacle remaining, Carringsdonnt explained, was reluctance to engage on the part of the committee's Democrats, who have accused their peers of being duped by a confidence scheme.
Carringsdont responded: "That's just ridiculous. Rep. Joe Wilson is a vital member of this committee, and he's an expert at calling out liars. He says the only Nigerian scam Americans have fallen for is electing Barack Obama."
(c) 2012. See disclaimers.