The beauty of Twitter, according to the six contenders, was that it allowed them to tell prospective voters their feelings on issues and deliver their campaign pledges without having to confuse the messaging with facts, complex policies and burdens of proof. Sample tweets told voters, “Government doesn’t create jobs, pizza restaurants do;” “I will repeal Obamacare :(~ trust me;” “I’ll end abortion and engineer unicorns that piss rainbows full of clean oil;” and “Now that you’re unemployed, selling oranges on the highway and mowing lawns, immigrants really r stealing ur jobs.”
The only hiccup with the experiment, according to Heuchler, was that the GOP’s most loyal and conservative voters, who boast an average age of 84, either had no idea what Twitter was or had already been put down for their naps.
(c) 2011. All stories are works of satire and parody.