Friday, January 13, 2017

Trump Fires National Guard Commander, Needs General Unafraid to Shoot Crowds


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In a highly contentious and ill-timed decision, President-elect Donald Trump informed Gen. Errol R. Schwartz, head of the Washington D.C. National Guard, that he will be removed from his post on January 20 at 12:01 p.m., the same time as Trump’s inauguration. Neither the general nor the media were offered an explanation for the firing. However, a member of Trump’s private security detail, which he will retain once in the White House, explained that more assertive leadership is required. Because the streets of the nation’s capital will be packed with thousands of outraged Americans who have threatened to protest Trump’s swearing-in, the new president will need a National Guard unafraid to fire on unruly crowds. Aides also noted that Schwartz is, in his official capacity, a heavily armed black man in charge of thousands of trained soldiers -- a status likely to exacerbate tensions with police and Trump supporters.

Possible Concerns with Schwartz

Under Gen. Schwartz’s direction, 5,000 unarmed National Guardsmen would have been deployed for peacekeeping purposes during the inaugural festivities, with 1,350 D.C. Guardsmen for ancillary support. Several members of Trump’s inner circle expressed concerns with the perceptibly weak stance.

“None of these Guardsmen were going to be carrying firearms,” one Trump aide said. “That seems suspiciously partisan to me. We’ve got hordes of militant women abortionists -- mothers who have slaughtered their own babies -- and gays and minorities who’ve probably come over the border with Semtex strapped to their serapes, and these creatures, I won’t call them people, you know, they’ve vowed to mobilize on the Capitol as Mr. Trump is sworn into office. Apparently, Gen. Schwartz thinks this is a parade instead a law enforcement initiative. If we’re going to make this country great again, and safe again from suicide bombing Muslims and Mexican rapists and the communists who’ve overthrown the press, we need a National Guard that won’t hesitate to send bullets flying.”

A representative for incoming Attorney General Jeff Sessions said the decision to terminate Schwartz was not based on performance. Dudley Johnson suspects that strained race relations may have played a role in the decision to reorganize the National Guard’s management. Schwartz, whose last name means “black” in German, is black.

“Fact is, Errol Schwartz has a commendable record of service,” Johnson asserted. “The problem is that with all this Black Lives Matter unrest -- the dissent and the riots and sassing police officers -- people are getting killed. Our cops are terrified when they go out into the streets. They could run into young black people who are brandishing Skittles or cigars or cell phones, you name it. I’m not sure having an armed African American in a militarized role, with thousands of potential killers at his command, is going to ease the racial anxieties our administration is working to resolve. It sends the wrong message. Like we’re being policed by thugs. Really, how does the Guard under Schwartz look any different than an East L.A. street gang?”

New Era, New Security Threats, New Protection Squadron

As the country witnesses increasing global and domestic turbulence, those closest to Trump have recognized the need for heightened security measures. “We expect to utilize the services of the National Guard on a much larger scale than previous administrations,” said Lt. Max Gutgeschoss, who will oversee the D.C. arm of Trump’s security personnel, and whose lieutenant rank is purely ceremonial.

Gutgeschoss recently joined Trump’s private protection force, having immigrated from Germany. There, Gutgeschoss explained, he had been dishonorably discharged from the Army for exhibiting the same patriotic attitudes promoted by Mr. Trump.

“In Germany, I was a private in an Army that did nothing to stop terrorist refugees from coming into the Fatherland and destroying our way of life and our cultural heritage,” Gutgeschoss remarked. “Older generations spent years winning a bitter war against a hostile religion. We can’t afford another. As a soldier, I put into practice many of Trump’s positions. I fought for religious rights, I suppressed the dangerous mobs created by the press, and I petitioned to rebuild our once famous wall. They said I was acting like a typical American, so I should move to America. I did that.”

Although every modern president and president-elect has entrusted security matters to the Secret Service, Gutgeschoss defended Trump’s decision to retain his own “protection squadron,” as Gutgeschoss described it. “I think that’s the term. In Germany, we called it Schutzstaffel.”

In March, Trump had also considered enlisting the assistance of citizen volunteers. He urged supporters to assault slanderous, lying reporters and attack protesters at his rallies, offering to pay their legal fees. “I’ll defend you in court,” he assured them. But advisers worried about the additional legal costs from such actions and eventually persuaded Trump to abandon the idea.

Trump’s current security chief, Keith Schiller, has proven tremendously effective, but expenses for his organization have climbed with the mounting workloads. Salon described the situation in December:

Schiller, for example, was caught on video striking a Latino protester in the head outside Trump Tower. He also removed Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos from an August 2015 new conference in Dubuque, Iowa. Three lawsuits currently pending against Trump allege racial profiling, undue force and aggression from the president-elect’s security team.

By aligning the private protection squadron with the National Guard, Trump’s advisers believe he can consolidate and bolster power through the creation of a more unified, far-reaching security force.

“The National Guard used to be very effective,” Gutgeschoss said. “In 1970, they quickly put down a bunch of radical terrorists who had infiltrated Kent State University in Ohio and tried to disarm the soldiers by sticking plants in their rifles. We’re facing those same threats again today. To put the odds in our favor, we will need the help of the National Guard, but they must be made strong once more. Especially because Kommandant, I mean Commander, Schiller told us to prepare for marital law. That’s what he wrote, and I know there’s been a war on marriage by the gays, so we must be ready.”

(c) 2017. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. All articles are works of satire. See disclaimers.

Share this:

Copyright © 2014 The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript. Template Designed by OddThemes - WP Themes