Thursday, September 8, 2011

Robber in Gumby Costume Shot Dead by Police During Escape Attempt on Pony

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- A man dressed in a Gumby costume attempted to rob a 7-11 convenience store in Rancho Penasquitos early Monday morning. The suspect told the clerk he was robbing the store, and then demanded all the money in the till. The worker, however, took the would-be thief as a prankster and ignored the request. Gumby eventually fled the scene without incident according to San Diego Police detectives. For three days, the clay criminal eluded authorities. But on Thursday morning, just outside the city of Santa Calcetines in San Narciso County, Gumby appeared again. Based on police logs, Gumby entered Big Ole Honking Donuts around 5:30 a.m., demanding the money from the cash register. Several SNPD officers just coming on shift were in the establishment at the time of the disturbance. Within seconds of entering, Gumby was shot eight times in the extremities. He was fatally wounded as he tried to run out of the donut shop and escape on a slow orange pony.

In related news, witnesses in neighboring businesses also alerted police to the presence of two suspicious men lurking near the alley at the time of the botched robbery. SNPD continues to search for information on these additional persons of interest. They are described as unusually thin, ruddy in complexion and with extremely square, bald heads. “I couldn’t see much, but they were scowling. And one of them had the letter ‘J’ tattooed to the side of his head,” a witness told detectives.

(c) 2011. All stories are works of satire and parody. See disclaimers.

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