Monday, March 5, 2012
Mitt Romney Helps Rush Limbaugh Choose More Appropriate Slurs for Loose Women
Limbaugh's statements generated so much ire that the bomb squad had to be called to his home to investigate a suspicious package. It turned out to be a giant box of pornography and Oxycontin that Limbaugh boastfully admitted to purchasing himself, "without crying to the government to help bankroll my deviant predilections -- unlike that horny Feminazi, Ms. Fluke."
Not only did Limbaugh endure almost a week of public outrage, he also lost several advertisers including Quicken Loans, the maker of Sleep Number beds, Citrix, Carbonite, LegalZoom and ProFlowers, which said it was pulling its sponsorship to ensure that its product "wasn't causing Mr. Limbaugh to think his s**t smelled like roses."
Even Rick Santorum and John Boehner rebuked Limbaugh for his inappropriate on-air name-calling. However, it appears that the conservative icon still has a friend and ally in White House hopeful Mitt Romney.
On Monday, representatives from Mr. Romney's campaign said they had been tasked with helping Mr. Limbaugh select more appropriate aspersions.
"As Mitt said, those weren't the words he would have chosen," a campaign aide told reporters. "Mitt understands that a public-facing figure must choose derogatory names more carefully. So, at Mitt's request, we've compiled a list of synonyms for Mr. Limbaugh to use against Ms. Fluke and others in the future. The new names include 'tart,' 'strumpet,' 'hussy,' 'shameless hussy,' 'harlot,' 'floozy,' 'Jezebel' and 'tramp.' We've run these humiliating labels by regulators and clergy, and they agree that these ignominies are a lot less offensive to audiences."
(c) 2012. See disclaimers.