Monday, October 3, 2016

Trump’s Camp Concentration Schools Forced to Close Before Construction Begins

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Donald Trump’s Camp Concentration, a privately funded alternative to the nation’s failing public education system, has already gone bankrupt in the earliest stages of development. Sources report that crews had not even broken ground on construction efforts. The announcement represents another major setback for the Republican presidential candidate’s beleaguered campaign. Spokespeople for Trump revealed that the shuttered program cost investors nearly $1 billion in losses, which Trump allegedly diverted to pay off debts he incurred while financing the revitalization of Russia’s nuclear arsenal -- a plan President Vladimir Putin exposed Monday in a decree that suspends a joint agreement with the United States to eradicate surplus weapons-grade plutonium.

Trump’s Dual Education Model

On the issue of education, Donald Trump has been outspoken in his advocacy for gutting federal budgets that go to support public schools. He favors replacing them with privately funded learning institutions. A report conducted by the Center for American Progress found that Trump’s proposed cuts to the Department of Education could result in the elimination of a half-million teachers, about 14 percent of educators in the system. Students stand to lose access to $1.3 trillion in loans. Trump instead endorses private, charter and magnet schools. He has vowed as president to block grants to states, forcing them to use the money to establish private “schools of choice.”

Camp Concentration is Trump’s personal attempt to foster such an infrastructure. However, Camp Concentration strives for loftier goals. Trump representatives explain that the system is based on Germany’s “dual education” model, which meshes traditional learning environments with on-the-job training. Overcoming domestic employment challenges remains at the forefront of Trump’s vision for the country. As a successful businessman, he understands that a healthy and skilled workforce drives economic growth. By combining academics with labor development, as Germany has done, Trump believes Camp Concentration has the potential to supplant archaic teaching practices with a modern and viable offering.

How does dual education work? It seeks to bridge the divide between employers and educators through initiatives that integrate high-quality curricula, skills training and work-based learning experiences.

Trump first became intrigued by the concept during a tour of Eastern Germany with Putin. He seized on the idea and began drafting strategies to incorporate the essentials into his private education alternative. At Camp Concentration, for example, public institutions are less aligned than in Germany -- Trump’s faculties are staffed with proven business leaders, for-profit schools like University of Phoenix and Trump University, and correctional facility professionals who understand the nuances of managing large groups of diverse individuals in close quarters.

“They’re beautiful,” Trump said of Camp Concentration design plans. “Marvelous, really. They’re based on Russian and German campuses from the time of the Greatest Generation. I have a lot of respect for Russia and Germany. They fought like cats and dogs during World War II, but then they came together. They united their ideologies and leadership in East Berlin. It was a great system. And they had a wall there. Did you know that? A wall, like the one I’m proposing, which kept out undesirables and job-stealing immigrants. Well, a bunch of stupid liberals tore down that wall in the 80s or 90s. And now this fat pig Angela Merkel is begging Syrian refugees to come in and take away jobs from German workers. It’s tragic.”

Camp Concentration: Work Sets You Free

“As proud Germans, we have always been cautious about the purity of our borders and ensuring that the needs of true Germans come first,” said Edsel Deiter, a labor economist with a large Munich-based consultancy that is supporting Trump. “But, we sorely need the engineering and IT skills. And since we closed down the majority of our factories after the 1940s, terminating millions of laborers along the way, we have lost vital manufacturing resources. Our chancellor’s open immigration stance, I believe, is hurting our efforts to rebuild. That’s why I’m helping Mr. Trump. He knows precisely what we’re trying to accomplish. In many ways, he reminds me of the great German leaders that embodied the Fatherland’s past glory. He has a strikingly similar mindset. It’s uncanny.”

Deiter described Trump’s revolutionary labor and educational synthesis as an immersive learning experience with countless perks.

“Camp Concentration is more than classrooms, instructional labor farms and dorms,” Deiter said. “It’s an all-encompassing community free from external distractions.”

Although Trump’s opponents frequently attack him as a racist or isolationist, Camp Concentration will be open to naturalized citizens, aliens with legal visas and in some cases, Mr. Trump says, “light-skinned, articulate anchor babies.”

“The first thing we’re going to do is build special neighborhoods for certain students to live in,” Deiter explained. “These neighborhoods will be dedicated exclusively to the foreigners -- the people who are legally allowed to live in the United States but who were not pure-born on this soil. And to prevent any backlash from older, more nationalistic American citizens, we are enclosing these communities behind heavily fortified walls for the security of the students.”

“Each camper, as we call them, will be provided with uniforms and badges to help get them started, and to identify them as both members of our student body and sponsored interns of American companies,” he added. “Understanding that many pupils may not have enough money to buy a vehicle, we will be offering free transportation by train to the camps.”

Deiter worked closely with Trump’s task force to perfect the architecture of complexes with on-site housing facilities. To save costs, they imported three of Germany’s now defunct facilities.

“They’re charming, historical buildings,” Trump said. “And they’re very social, like being at camp. Even though these structures were originally designed and used between 1938 and 1945, they can hold about six million workers. Between these sites and the neighborhoods, it should be enough.”

San Narciso County was slated to host the first Camp Concentration site, a move heavily endorsed by local legislators, politicians, business leaders and even educators. School Commissioner Marissa Olden-Whitely -- co-chair of the Association of Republican Seniors, Wives, Young Professionals and Entrepreneurs (ARSWYPE) -- released a statement in 2011 that highlighted the district’s push toward privatization:

Schools in America are expensive and underperforming. Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong. Our students aren’t competitive internationally. Therefore, public schools are wrong. In San Narciso, we’ve made drastic changes and cut out all the fat. That includes poor performing teachers -- based solely on district test scores -- and wasteful education programs with no relevance to modern society or jobs. We’re also beginning to privatize our schools to ensure that those students in the most formative grade levels receive more accurate, competitive, cost efficient and conservative-friendly coursework.

Olden-Whitely says her words never rang truer than in this election season.

“Universal education is the most corrosive poison that liberalism has ever invented for its own destruction,” she opined. “Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and fields blue ought to be sterilized, not encouraged to continue expressing their insane ideals. Mr. Trump’s Camp Concentration program absolutely complements our county’s attempt to overhaul a faltering and bureaucratic drain on society.”

However, with the reallocation of some funding and a few apprehensive investors, Camp Concentration’s promise of a final solution to the educational problem will be delayed.

“I toured a virtual mock up of the grounds, which they built in a soundstage,” said Irwin Goldfarb, a key financier. “It sounded like a good idea at first, but now it seems a bit much. Even the kitchen area made me uneasy. There are these advanced microwave ovens imported from Munich. They talk. That’s weird, right? I heated up my dinner, and a German voice coming from the machine told me to enjoy my meal. When you hear voices from inside a German oven, you get anxious.”

“After visiting the conceptual campus, it should be obvious to anyone what this is,” another investor declared. “The whole notion of this program, and even Trump’s campaign, is beginning to feel like a regrettable tattoo. You’re bored, you want to shake things up. You get inked with an image that seems amusing at the time. It’s funny and ironic. Your friends laugh about it for a couple of weeks, but then it stops being entertaining. Instead, it becomes a blemish, a stigma, a serious mistake. And now, you don’t know how to get rid of it.”

(c) 2016. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. All articles are works of satire. See disclaimers.

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