Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Success of Rule 19 Against Warren Inspires Trump’s Bizarre Order 66


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On Tuesday evening, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell invoked an arcane parliamentary procedure, Rule 19, to silence Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) from protesting Jeff Sessions’ imminent confirmation as U.S. Attorney General. Warren, a known rabble-rouser in Congress, agitated Sen. Steve Daines (R-Mont.) thirty minutes before, while he was presiding over the Senate, for which she received a stern warning about impugning a colleague. Warren did not attack Sessions’ reputation directly; she instead read from an impassioned 1986 letter, written by Coretta Scott King to the Judiciary Committee, calling on members to oppose Sessions as a federal judge. The success of Rule 19, now referred to by the Trump administration as the “putting uppity harpies back in their place” maneuver, has inspired the president to ask acting Co-President Bannon when he can execute Order 66.

Rule 19: Get Back to Cleaning the Floor, Woman, Not Speaking on It

Close to 50 years ago, Coretta Scott King, the widow of civil rights icon Martin Luther King, Jr., wrote that Sessions’ appointment to a federal judgeship would have a “devastating effect on not only the judicial system in Alabama, but also on the progress we have made everywhere toward fulfilling my husband’s dream that he envisioned over twenty years ago.”

Earlier in her statements, available online from the Washington Post, King accused Sessions of politically-motivated prosecutions for voter fraud, apathy toward violations of civil rights laws, racial bias and abuses of power that served to “chill the free exercise of the vote by black citizens.”

Republican lawmakers disagreed. They expressed confidence that Sessions, in the role of Attorney General, will have the authority to push Trump’s policy proposals to fruition, offering alternative fact interpretations of Sessions’ record, as reported in the New York Times:

In testimony before the committee, former colleagues said that Mr. Sessions had referred to the N.A.A.C.P., the Southern Christian Leadership Conference and other civil rights groups as “un-American” and “Communist-inspired.” An African-American federal prosecutor then, Thomas H. Figures, said Mr. Sessions had referred to him as “boy” and testified that Mr. Sessions said the Ku Klux Klan was fine “until I found out they smoked pot.”

Sessions’ testimony, Senate leaders clarified, actually demonstrates an abiding dedication to making America pure again. He clearly believes in the reduction of government oversight to bolster states’ rights, including repealing Amendments 13, 15 and 19. He wants to erode racially charged fringe groups that keep Americans divided by claiming that some lives matter more than others. He wants to restore the Constitution to its original grandeur, a time before activist courts perverted the sacred document by altering its intent with immoral legal decisions that destroy family values and unborn lives. And he inspires a renewed sense of urgency in fighting the protracted war on drugs.

Given this impressive list of accomplishments, Republicans rallied behind McConnell and Daines when they moved to vote for stifling Warren’s speech, and then officially prohibiting her from addressing the topic of Sessions again. NPR, in covering the debate, explained Daines’ rationale in citing Rule 19. The impetus came from the perception that Warren had called the sitting senator a “disgrace to the Department of Justice.” Warren emphasized that she was not stating her opinion but reciting the words of Coretta Scott King and the late Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.).

“The rule applies,” [Daines] said, “to imputing conduct or motive through any form or voice.” He added, “Form of voice includes quotes, articles, or other materials.”

Warren replied, “So, quoting Sen. Kennedy calling then-nominee Sessions a disgrace is a violation of Senate rules? It was certainly not in 1986.”

“In the opinion of the chair, it is,” Daines said. As Warren began to speak, he added, “And the senator is warned.”

Although other Democrats tirelessly reminded the committee of Sessions’ abysmal record on upholding the rights of minorities in his community, and stressed that he was denied a federal judgeship because of this dreadful legacy, McConnell defended the decision to single out Warren for her fiery tirade.

“It’s one thing when the men speak,” an aide for McConnell said, paraphrasing a prepared statement. “It’s a rational, even-toned discussion. But it’s a different matter when the handful of betraying Eves in Congress get their 15 to 23 minutes. It’s all hysterical, screeching, whining, nagging, PMS-fueled harping. The hormonal outbursts of women who want to right to murder their own offspring have no place in a grownup exchange of ideas. This is precisely the reason why the Founding Fathers were fathers, not mothers, and why they denied these nannies, kitchen workers and domestics a right to vote. Beyond that, Warren wasted her time reading someone else’s thoughts. Because she clearly had no opinion of her own, just a need to stir emotions, provoke anger and get some attention. You know, sometimes ladies want to get slapped to see if their men still care. So we slapped her with Rule 19.”

“It probably didn’t help,” he added, “that Ms. Warren was recounting the actions of a provocateur who incited riots, civil unrest and, ultimately, this pernicious Black Lives Matter insurgency, which serves no other purpose than justifying cop killing. Thank God for Rule 19. It exists for a reason. And that reason is remind women of their Biblically ordained place in society, and to sit down and shut up when they’ve strayed.”

Order 66

Donald Trump and acting Co-President Steve Bannon monitored the Warren situation closely throughout Tuesday night. Although rarely activated, Rule 19 perfectly achieved its desired ends. For Trump, the procedure also proved to be an important milestone in the evolution of his policy strategy. Rule 19 essentially validated the ability of GOP legislators to suppress dissenting voices across all quarters of the nation, including its governing bodies.

Trump officials realized similar successes in January when they persuaded law enforcement agencies to charge peaceful protesters, and journalists covering those demonstrations, with felony rioting -- violations that bring $250,000 fines and 10-year prison terms. According to leaks from White House staffers, the encouraging results prompted a bizarre response from Trump, who asked Bannon when he could execute Order 66. Members of Trump’s cabinet admitted they had no idea what Order 66 was. The confusion was cleared up by an anonymous member of the White House maintenance staff.

“The, er, president has been locking himself in his room around 6:00 p.m. every night, where he just sits around and watches movies,” the staffer said. “Prior to that, he spends an exhausting day crying in front of social media and cable news. The problem is that Trump can no longer distinguish between fictional and real events on TV. I could hear him in his room, sobbing over the sound of laser blasters, saying things like, ‘Jar Jar, you were the real f**king hero. Your vote saved the galaxy from a bunch of religious fanatics with magical weapons.’ A little while later, he came to Bannon with this Order 66 nonsense.”

The Wookieepedia “Star Wars” reference site describes the conditions of the protocol, which is ostensibly where Trump discovered it:

Order 66 was an event at the end of the Clone Wars in which the clone troopers of the Grand Army of the Republic turned against their Jedi commanders and terminated them, bringing about the destruction of the Jedi Order. The event was triggered by Clone Protocol 66, an order implanted into the clones by the Sith Lords and Kaminoan scientists who created the clone army. The protocol caused clone troopers to violently lash out at the Jedi and view them as traitors, and were controlled by a bio-chip implanted into the clones during their creation; the chip could control the behavior of the clones and ensure total obedience.

Trump, more unhinged and disheartened recently, allegedly perked up and spoke gleefully with Bannon about the potential of Order 66. Bannon, one source confirmed, also approved of the concept.

“This is actually an exciting development,” Bannon was overheard saying. “We’ve already got millions of mindless hillbillies and inbreds who will mobilize the second you post on Twitter. They’re basically clones as it is. If we can simply persuade them to implant a mind-control chip -- I dunno, tell them it’s a prayer radio or a Planned Parenthood bomb or device to translate Ebonics -- and they’d shove that thing right up their noses.”

With Order 66, Trump and Bannon could effectively trigger a waiting militia of citizens to assist with deposing the journalists, political opponents, civil rights advocates, judges and un-American critics who want to disrupt Trump’s bold plans to bring America back to the majesty of its 18th century roots.

Bannon, after viewing the “Star Wars” film with Trump, also suggested providing new uniforms for the clone army, based on the appearance of the fictional Stormtroopers in Lucas’ space opera.

“I am very close to a group of devout Christian warriors who have just the outfits we’re looking for,” Bannon said. “They’re all white, cover the body from head to toe, and conceal the identity of the soldier. I can get them immediately. And because we’re shutting down NASA, the EPA and the Energy Department, we can transition those worthless scientists to something useful, like building inhibitor chips.”

Not only does Trump’s consideration of implementing Order 66 mark the first time a sitting president has aggressively pursued the idea of implanting mind-control devices in civilians, it also denotes the first time an authoritative figure has acknowledged any relevant or praiseworthy aspects of the “Star Wars” prequels.

(c) 2017. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. All articles are works of satire. See disclaimers.

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