The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript: immigration

Showing posts with label immigration. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Carson Cites Slaves and Trump’s Grandfather as Deportation Success Stories

carson-slaves-trumps-grandfather-deportation

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On Monday, Ben Carson made his official debut as the head of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) by extolling the virtues of immigration as reflective of the American dream and the nation’s core values. The address was ironic. Carson made his statements on the same day that President Trump issued another executive order to reinstate the controversial travel ban. He also drew fire for comparing slaves to pilgrims in search of a better life abroad. Carson’s remarks seemed at odds with the president’s insistence on pressing for extreme vetting and mass deportations. Liberal media also seized the opportunity to publish a letter written by Trump’s grandfather, Friedrich, in which he implored Prince-Regent Luitpold of Bavaria not to deny his citizenship. But in a surprising statement on Tuesday, Trump used both examples to illustrate the benefits of deportation.

Trump Hails Renewed NASA Space Program as Final Frontier in Deportation

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Since Trump’s inauguration, his cabinet and the heads of federal agencies have endured a fraught, heated battle of wills. In some instances, the president pledged to dismantle regulatory bodies such as the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). For other overly bureaucratic and onerous offices, like the Department of Energy (DOE), Trump appointed leaders who were willing to sabotage the existing infrastructures and undo decades of unnecessary projects that attack faith-based initiatives. Now there remains the complex matter of what to do with NASA. The agency became one of Trump’s first targets, when he threatened to cut all funding for climate science. On Tuesday, however, the president surprised Congress by calling for a renewal of the space program, which he believes will prove instrumental in his massive deportation efforts.

Trump Wants Transgender People Deported to Transylvania “Where They Came From”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) last Friday, Donald Trump disclosed his intentions for an unprecedented buildup of the U.S. military, which drew rounds of applause from supporters. On Monday, the president confirmed his request for a nine-percent budget increase to accomplish the massive rearmament, with equivalent cuts to existing social programs to offset the spike. Analysts estimate the costs at $54 billion. Trump also renewed his pledge to enhance immigration crackdowns and roll back rights for the LGBTQ community. But in a surreal conflation of the two issues, Trump implied that his wildly unfettered deportation policies would now include transgender people, who should be “sent back to Transylvania” where he apparently believes they came from.

NASA Exoplanet Discovery: Trump Plans Space Wall to Stop Undocumented Aliens

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On February 20, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) teased an intriguing discovery. The announcement alluded to the possibility that scientists had identified life-sustainable planets beyond our solar system. Astronomers applauded the news, but terrified Trump officials described the discovery as an immigration powder keg, on a galactic scale. The president warned of an imminent “end-time event,” as billions of undocumented aliens and terrorists would invade the United States. He lashed out at the Obama administration for rejecting the public’s call to construct a Death Star, and vowed to build “some kind of killer space fortress” to protect American interests.

Trump Includes Radical White Trump Supporters in Travel Ban

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The peace of a sleepy winter Sunday in Quebec was jarred by gunfire when Alexandre Bissonnette, 27, walked into a mosque and unleashed a hail of bullets. Six people were killed and eight injured. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau branded the tragedy an act of terrorism. As the New York Times reported, “The shooting was the first time anyone had been killed in a mosque in Canada in such circumstances and was, at least in recent times, a rare event outside the Muslim world.” Bissonnette, according to former classmates, was a far-right, anti-Muslim, anti-immigrant and anti-feminist white supremacist who was enthralled with U.S. President Donald Trump. In honoring his commitment to protect Americans from terrorists, Trump expanded his travel ban on Tuesday to include all white, radical, foreign Trump supporters until “we figure out what the hell is going on.”

Trump More Subdued in News Conference: Covers Soft Topics Like Torture, War with China

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- President Donald Trump struck a more cordial and subdued tone during his first official White House press conference this Friday. The meeting was a noticeable departure from the fraught and antagonistic inaugural briefing that took place on January 12. As CNN discovered, the new president is obsessed with his image, and watches countless hours of cable news to gauge unfavorable media reactions to his demeanor. But Trump approached the latest gathering in a less confrontational and more agreeable manner. Rather than arguing the merits of a taxpayer-subsidized wall along the Mexico border, repealing civil rights and expanding his hotel empire, Trump chose warmer topics that resonated with his base: torture, banning immigration and the mass exodus of communists for the Chinese New Year.

Conway: Immigration Ban Covers All Non-Christian Religions

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In a recent CNN interview, Kellyanne Conway clarified that Trump’s proposed immigration ban would encompass much more than a Muslim registry. Civil rights activists have fretted over the possibility that Trump would enforce a census, reminiscent of 1940’s Germany, to identify people of Islamic faiths for the purpose of deporting, exiling or even imprisoning them. Conway, Trump’s former campaign manager and newly appointed White House aide, explained that the president-elect would not pursue a ban exclusive to those of Muslim affiliation. “That would be myopic,” Conway remarked. “President Trump’s security plan is more sweeping; it will cover any religions or countries that have attacked us in the past. So that would include England, Japan, Mexico, Indians -- Tontos, not Gandhis -- and many more.”

Trump Plans Border Security with Leading Bald Supervillains

Trump Meets with Blofeld, Dr. Evil, The Gunslinger and Lex Luthor

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In the first week of October, President-elect Donald Trump met with key members of the National Border Patrol Council to secure the group’s endorsement for his plans to build a wall along the United States-Mexico border. Images from the forum -- featuring white, balding, middle-aged men -- resembled a comic book panel of villainous masterminds plotting the overthrow of the Justice League. But mainstream media once again missed the mark by describing the gathering as “Trump with Four Lex Luthors.” More astute reporters would have noticed one Lex Luthor accompanied by Blofeld, Dr. Evil and The Gunslinger.

The Skittles Menace: Its History of Terror and Trump's Important Warning

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Liberal America awoke Tuesday morning hungry for another political assault against Donald Trump and his family. They found the seeds of their vitriol in a simple and misunderstood tweet from the presidential candidate’s eldest son. This latest social media uproar not only underscores the progressive rank-and-file’s disdain for Trump, which they long to distill across the more reasonable corners of the nation, it also illustrates how misguided their attacks have become. Trump Jr.’s post read: “If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you, would you take a handful? That’s our Syrian refugee problem.” Enraged pundits and Democrats decried the comparison between immigrants and sweets. Refugees are people, they roared, and Skittles are candy. But Trump seems to grasp a deeper truth than his critics will acknowledge. Skittles has a storied history of violence. Its roots reach deep into the Mars empire’s shadowy cabal, with undeniable intimations of terrorism.

Rapper Could Face Lifetime in Prison for Lyrics, Congress Set to Prosecute President Under Same Law

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Racially charged incidents over the past few years, seemingly on the rise, illustrate clearly that nothing is scarier to Americans than black people shopping, walking, talking or even thinking. The dark aftermaths of events in Ferguson, Mo., and Sanford, Fla., where unarmed teens Michael Brown and Trayvon Martin fell to hails of bullets fired by the fearful, continue to haunt our national conscience. The legal showdown now raging in a San Diego, Calif., court, involving rapper Tiny Doo (Brandon Duncan), marks a new iteration in this ongoing dilemma: how can worried Americans suppress the threat posed by people of color who insist on co-existing with the rest of the population? Although Duncan is not tied to the nine shootings at the heart of the trial, he could face life in prison for lyrics he penned about them. Seizing on this potential legal precedent, Congressional Republicans say they are preparing to launch similar charges against President Barack Obama, another terrifying and influential black man who keeps saying uncomfortable things.

RNC Leaks Documents Sent to Press about True Nature of Ebola Threat: Scary, Will Kill Your Children

“The Republican Party is fighting for a freer and stronger America where everyone has the opportunity to achieve the American Dream without dying from Ebola” ~ Reince Priebus

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The United States has only been in the throes of this domestic Ebola scare for a couple of weeks, but media sources reveal that the coverage has already topped the relentless reporting of past doomsday-worthy scenarios such as the Boston Marathon bombing or the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. Some media watchdogs claim that over 7,000 references to the dangers of Ebola have made their way on air this week alone. Yet liberal organizations have derided such journalists as Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly and every Fox News pundit for failing to properly educate citizens about the real nature of the threat. “The result is a frightening level of misinformation about Ebola and a deep lack of understanding of the virus by most Americans,” Media Matters for America wrote Friday. And that’s why RNC Chairman Reince Priebus has leaked information sent to press outlets by the GOP, which seeks to correct misleading reporting by doctors, health officials, liberal politicians and leftist media.

Liberals and Tea Partiers Protest Columbus Day Celebration: Too Racist and Not Racist Enough

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Yesterday, many U.S. citizens observed the arrival of Christopher Columbus to American shores, a voyage that concluded on October 12, 1492. The holiday has been celebrated unofficially since the late 18th century, and officially in various areas since the early 20th century. In San Narciso County, the annual Columbus Day reenactment ceremonies have bolstered the local economy with an influx of Southern Californians who gather at the Battersea Field in Kinneret to enjoy a variety of beverages, delicacies and the Integration of the Indigenous Peoples commemoration. This year, however, Mayor Manny DiPresso has increased security after receiving word that a group of demonstrators -- primarily historians from the college -- plans to protest the ceremony.

Fresh Milf? Dairy Apologizes for Misleading Typo on New Logos

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Except for the lactose intolerant, gluten-fearing residents of Santa Calcentines, nearly every household in San Narciso County has its dairy products delivered by Delta Ann’s Dairy Air, which retains the 1950s-era charm of old fashioned trucks, glass bottles and pre-dawn door-to-door services. The heritage of the “milkman” is something the dairy honors and proudly promotes. But the public relations team for Delta Ann’s Dairy Air faced an unexpected backlash of community outrage this Thursday for which it has spent more time milking forgiveness than cows. The issue stems from a typographical error that appeared on the logo of 20 trucks in the new fleet and on the company’s website. Got Milf? That’s what thousands of customers were wondering this morning, as a result.

Arizona Lawmakers Stun Nation with Massive Support for Cinco de Mayo Festivities

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Given the drastic legislation passed in recent years and the blatantly exclusionary rhetoric of Arizona lawmakers, the state’s wide embrace of Monday’s Cinco de Mayo festivities came as a surprise to many. In fact, most government agencies reported spending days preparing for parades, picnics, cultural exhibits and public displays of Mexican heritage. “With so many Mexicans infiltrating Arizona, especially around the Phoenix area, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that May 5 is a highly anticipated day of celebration,” Governor Jan Brewer said. “We couldn’t support this holiday enough. It’s a day for food, music, dancing, revelry and, coincidentally, our state’s new census. It’s a once-in-a-year opportunity to round everybody up and see just who’s who in our communities.”

Arizona Governor Introduces New State Constitution to Promote "Uber-Equality"

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Arizona Governor Jan Brewer courted controversy once again last Thursday after the state legislature approved Senate Bill 1062, which allows businesses with strongly held religious beliefs to refuse service to gays and lesbians. The polarizing legislation passed by a vote of 33 to 27, leading critics to denounce the bill as state-sponsored discrimination. Brewer’s administration had previously come under fire in 2010 after the passage of SB1070, an anti-immigration bill that Democrats chided as draconian. Gov. Brewer, however, vehemently defended the bills as tools for promoting equal protections, not for fostering prejudice or bigotry. On Monday, to illustrate the altruistic goals of her administration, Brewer unveiled plans to create special communities for the disparate religious, ethnic, racial and LGBT groups in Arizona. She also introduced a radical new state constitution based on “an established set of laws practiced around the world before the United States existed.”

Canada Threatens International Incident if U.S. Deports Justin Bieber: "He's Your Problem Now"

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- If the reports are to be "beliebed," over 100,000 people have signed a petition asking the White House to revoke Justin Bieber's visa and have him deported back to Canada. The megalomaniac teen singer has been embroiled in an ongoing series of legal troubles arising from his unrepentant misbehavior. But immigration experts say his removal from the United States on these grounds alone would be unlikely. Obama administration officials, however, admitted that Canada's adamant refusal to allow the extradition of Bieber back to the Great White North could spark an international incident.

Gay Marriage Victory to Cripple Economy and Immigration Reform, Conservatives Warn

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The U.S. Supreme Court delivered a watershed ruling on Wednesday by recognizing same-sex marriage in states where it has been legalized, striking down Section 3 of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which restricts the definition of wedlock as between a man and a woman for the purposes of receiving federal benefits. But anti-gay conservatives derided the ruling as a "dangerous precedent set by activist judges that will cripple the economy and immigration reform." Justice Antonin Scalia, in his dissenting opinion, blasted the decision. Legalizing gay marriage, he declared, discriminates against people who are opposed to it. In that same vein, he also cried foul on the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and Voting Rights Act of 1965 for overturning segregationist Jim Crow Laws. Scalia deemed those decisions equivalently abhorrent because they discriminate against racists who don't wants blacks treated as equal citizens.

New Latin American Pope Ignites Fresh Immigration Fears for U.S. Conservatives

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Plumes of white smoke billowed from the Sistine Chapel chimney Wednesday, signifying the election of a new pope. Appearing on the iconic balcony of St. Peter's Basilica shortly after the conclave appointed a new bishop of Rome, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina greeted adoring Catholics to shouts of "habemus papam," and then led a prayer for his predecessor, Benedict XVI. Some Vatican watchers expressed excitement at the uniqueness of the new pontiff and the conclave's unprecedented decision to break with two thousand years of tradition. Bergoglio is neither Italian nor European, has no ties to the Roman government and invented his own papal name instead of selecting an established title, as is customary. But this newness has rankled dyed-in-the-wool Catholics and conservative lawmakers in the United States, particularly in Arizona, who say Bergoglio's installment as pope is a setback for immigration reform and the terrifying result of ignoring warnings that "Mexicans are coming to take our jobs."

Shootings in Arizona and Alabama Expose Horrific Lack of Good Guys with Guns

Photo courtesy AP

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- More shootings in Arizona and Alabama on Wednesday exposed what National Rifle Association (NRA) Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre called a "horrific lack of good guys with guns." On December 21, LaPierre issued an impassioned plea to arm more Americans, ascribing the recent rash of mass shootings to an under-equipped population. "The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun," he said. Thorn Havershabe, head of the San Narciso County NRA chapter, called LaPierre "the only hero in America that day. The only man who cared deeply enough to offer honest assessments and real, final solutions." LaPierre, a self-described humanitarian who is deeply concerned about the welfare of the nation's embattled citizens, doesn't believe the country is suffering from a deficit of good guys -- the problem, he states, is that the government hasn't done enough to make firearms and automatic weapons available to those peace-seeking heroes. In fact, the NRA argues, lawmakers must make guns mandatory.

Arizona Apologizes to Norway for Confusing Alexander Dale Oen with Other Foreigners Who Died There After Long, Hard Swim

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Alexander Dale Oen, the pride of Norway, took the world swimming championship just a year ago and served as a symbol of resilience and optimism in the aftermath of the horrendous massacre that rocked his homeland. Three days before Oen's victory, Anders Breivik ironically killed 77 of his own countrymen using tactics inspired by al Qaeda to protest Muslim terrorism. Norwegians had harbored high hopes of Oen earning a medal in the upcoming London Olympics, but the 26-year-old swimmer was found dead Tuesday of cardiac arrest in an Arizona pre-Olympic training camp. His demise, when the Norwegian consulate was finally informed, dashed the renewed spirits of a nation still fragile and reeling from the attacks perpetrated by Breivik.