Monday, May 23, 2011

President Obama Now Claims to be Irish, Birthers Outraged

MONEYGALL, Ireland -- U.S. President Barack Obama, whose place of birth remains an ambiguous and hotly contested issue on all sides of the political fence, created a new uproar on Monday by claiming Irish ancestry. Introduced by Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny as “the American Dream come home,” President Obama elicited cheers from a throng of admirers in Dublin, saying, “My name is Barack Obama, of the Moneygall Obamas.”

Not surprisingly, birther champions such as Donald Trump and Bill Posey (R-Fla.) seized on the opportunity to once again question the President’s apparent confusion over his own identity.

Refusing to be outdone by the Queen’s visit to Ireland last week, the first of its kind by a sitting British ruler in nearly a century, Obama kicked off his European tour in the Emerald Isle by celebrating his “Irish roots.” Against a backdrop of traditional fiddle music in a local pub, Obama hoisted a tankard of Guinness while his wife, Michele, pulled pints at the bar.

Carlisle Olden-Whitely, chairman of San Narciso’s foremost conservative political action committee -- Association of Republican Seniors, Wives, Young Professionals and Entrepreneurs (ARSWYPE) -- described the President’s visit as “a vile spectacle.”

“It’s just disgusting,” Olden-Whitely exclaimed. “He spends thousands of tax payer dollars for a fake Hawaiian birth certificate to convince us he wasn’t born in Kenya, only to smugly announce that he’s Irish? I’m stumped. I honestly have no idea where Barack Obama thinks he’s from. Maybe tomorrow, he’ll confess that he was formerly a white, plantation-owning slave-driver from Georgia. Maybe he’s related to those landscapers I saw Lou Dobbs picking up at the Home Depot parking lot. Who knows? I suppose it depends on the audience. But if you ask me, Obama has clearly misunderstood the expression ‘Black Irish.’ Apart from constantly being photographed chugging beer -- and bringing a thriving economy to its knees -- I don’t see the connection. And the last person this country needs for a president is a fiscally irresponsible alcoholic who pretends to be from some place he isn’t. They should have elected George Bush for a third term.”

(c) 2011. All stories are works of satire and parody.
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