Thursday, December 16, 2010

Jobless Claims Continue to Fall as Suicide Rates Soar

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- First, the bad news. New economic reports issued by Automated Access to Court Electronic Records (AACER), a database of U.S. bankruptcy statistics used by attorneys and lenders, indicate that filings jumped 76 percent at the end of fiscal 2009 from the year before, as the sluggish U.S. economy pushed more businesses into the red.

Not coincidentally, the World Health Organization (WHO) reported an eight percent rise in suicides nationwide, elevating the existing 17.7 percent suicide rate to nearly 30 percent.

But despite the slightly morose figures, this paints a much brighter picture of the ailing U.S. economy, as the data positively amends last month's unemployment numbers.

The number of U.S. workers filing new claims for jobless benefits continues to fall, offering another sign that the hobbled labor market is beginning its slow road to recovery. The Labor Department now reports that jobless claims dropped by 3,000 at the end of last week, which also seems to correlate to the number of related suicides. Unemployment rose to 9.8 percent in November, its highest level since April, and analysts had expected an increase in claims of 4,000. These new figures are very encouraging, economists say.

“Despite the unfortunate rise in suicides,” said an elated Hume Bloergonett, report editor for the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, “the permanent departure of these workers from the job market has led to a very positive drop in people filing for unemployment. If the trends continue, we could soon see an actual demand for skilled workers, which will ultimately strengthen the economy to Clinton-era levels. Given the amount of suicides and business closures, we can also predict that the number of related jobless claims could continue to fall by an additional 26.7 percent over the next few months. These numbers alone surely prove that the recession is over and that American businesses will recover presently.”

When asked about the feasibility of the trends to continue, Bloergonett said, “Unless the wars abroad come to a speedy end, which as history demonstrates can create a ‘baby boom’ effect, then we anticipate the population to keep reducing at promising rates, thereby eliminating unemployment claims.”

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