Sunday, December 5, 2010

Rising Porn Star Admits to Using Performance Enhancing Altoids

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- Up-and-coming porn starlet Corrine Hardt was rapidly becoming a household name until she received a summons to appear before a Congressional Grand Jury to testify about her alleged use of performance enhancing drugs.

Hardt, a former yoga instructor who grew up in Bennington Vale but moved away before its values could be instilled, has earned a reputation as one of the adult film industry's most flexible actresses -- both in terms of scheduling and acting "agility." But her success has come with a price. Recently, fellow actresses have accused Hardt of engaging in unethical tactics to gain an unfair advantage in her films.


"She's using Altoids to get stronger performances out of her male co-stars," one actress complained. As a result, her accusers contend, Hardt has been given parts that she didn't deserve or earn by way of her own talents.

"Regardless of how she does it," Hardt's manager stated, "the fact remains that she's got a gift. If she finds ways to maximize that gift for the pleasure of her audience, then so be it."

But leaders of industry acting guilds said they weren't willing to "roll over and take it in the rear." They filed a formal complaint, which ultimately led to Hardt's admission that she has been using Altoids for over two years.

Altoids, according to prosecutors, are "curiously strong." When used properly, Altoids have the ability to enhance physical oral stimulation, which makes Hardt's co-stars appear more excited than they normally would. This leads to longer shooting sessions, greater intensity and more dazzling finales.

Aspiring actresses, who work as fluffers, have also filed complaints asserting that they have lost work as a result. "They don't need us on sets where Corrine is the star," said Samantha Coxalot, a newcomer to the industry. "If I can't get fluffing work, I can't advance. It's just that simple. I got kids to feed and, like, a billion dollars in student loans to pay off; I need this. I sure as hell can't go back to my old job as an HR director."

Today, under building pressure from prosecutors who throbbed before a Grand Jury, Hardt confessed that she had been using Altoids.

"I've been using them for almost two years," she sobbed. "I didn't know how they would affect me. I thought everyone was using them."

An industry spokesman said this revelation would likely penetrate much deeper into the operations of all film companies in adult entertainment. "This debate is hot and sticky, and we're prepared to give it more than lip service. This thing could blow the lid right off the proverbial can of worms. It's a potential mess that's going to spurt all over our faces if we don't get some protection."

More to come as the case fleshes out.
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