In cooperation with search provider Google, investigators traced the IP address to a local man in San Narciso County. But what authorities discovered at the man’s residence gave the already bizarre story an even stranger twist.
Said Frank Gloaming of the San Narciso Police Department, “I guess you could call this ironic. And not the Alanis Morissette variety, but real irony. The subject in question, whose name we’re withholding until his family is notified, was found dead in his apartment, slumped over his computer keyboard. He had a rope around his neck, which was tied to an unused weightlifting machine. I say ‘unused’ because the suspect was about 400 pounds. He also had a lemon in his mouth. But despite evidence of an auto-erotic asphyxiation mishap, oddly common in this community, the strangest part is that he appears to have been beaten to death with a snowboard. Clearly, we’ve got our work cut for us on this one.”