Friday, December 10, 2010

Teen Idol Hannah Montana Caught Smoking Bong

MALIBU, Calif. -- Scandal rocked the celebrity infested Southern California beach community today when pop icon Hannah Montana, who recently turned 18, was caught smoking a bong at a party. Earlier this year, Montana stirred controversy when she publicly announced that she was really a local high schooler named Miley Stewart. Entertainment industry insiders verified the revelation, stating that Stewart’s emotionally abusive and controlling father forced her into a double life in order to live out his failed dreams of country music stardom through his daughter.
A source close to the family told reporters, “It makes perfect sense. Her father is just a white-washed Joe Jackson. He created the pop-star persona, set up a sweatshop in Saipan where enslaved children weave Hannah Montana’s trademark blond wigs, wrote all the songs, shoved his daughter into the limelight and micro-managed every aspect of her professional and personal life. Just look at her schedule. After an eight-hour day of high school, Miley has to complete all her homework and then spend incessant hours in rehearsal, often involving spankings and name calling. Her father, Robby, claims that his fascist disciplinary techniques are the reason for his daughter’s success. But she has no access to the profits and is being used as a puppet by Robby so that he can vicariously satisfy his own fantasies of celebrity.”

Psychologists say that under this kind of strain and oppression, rebellious behavior is common. “Worse than that,” said Irma Vellingsbee, the school’s head counsellor, “living this kind of double life makes it impossible for the child to own her individual identity. We believe that she may be suffering from a split-personality disorder. Her newly discovered use of psychotropic drugs only proves to me that Miley is self medicating.”

Miley Stewart’s friends, however, say that the bong she was smoking did not contain marijuana. They claim that Stewart was inhaling a substance known as “salvia,” which is made from a natural herb grown in the area, known for having psychedelic properties.

Prior to this incident, Stewart was condemned for leaking pictures of her eighteenth birthday party to the media that included images of her in compromising positions with male friends, involving a substance called “saliva.”

Robby Stewart was not available for comment, but he was spotted painting flowers and brightly colored designs on an old school bus.