Thursday, December 23, 2010

Travelers Warned of Al Qaeda’s Rogue Aviation Network: Low Fares, Terrible Safety Record

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- U.S. aviation and security officials have issued warnings for travelers to remain vigilant of increased terror threats this holiday season. Some al Qaeda communications intercepted by federal agents contain threats of attacks on major metropolitan areas like New York and Los Angeles this Christmas. But San Narciso Chamber of Commerce leaders warn that the real threat is to American business interests. In early 2008, an official at the U.S. Department of Homeland Security sent a report to his superiors detailing the most significant development in aircraft usage since 2001: al Qaeda has been operating a rogue aviation network.

Francis Baldhamer, a former Delta executive who now chairs the aviation division of San Narciso's Chamber of Commerce, noted that this increased competition, which promises fares much lower than U.S. airlines, threatens to weaken the already faltering transportation industry.

“The introduction of a new provider with staggeringly low fares is the last thing Americans need to be considering this Christmas,” Baldhamer warned.

“We’re trying to revitalize our economy -- which these terrorists crippled with their attacks a decade ago. Despite the efforts of congressional Republicans and Wall Street firms, we’ve never recovered. It’s beyond disturbing to think that consumers are putting their pocket books ahead of their patriotism. If you can’t afford to fly with an American carrier, don’t. So you miss Grandma’s dry turkey dinner this year. So what? It’s the responsibility of working middle class consumers to fix the situation we’re in -- a situation caused by circumstances beyond our control, and worsened by heavy regulation and the Democratic administration's tax orgy. Looking for bargains isn’t going to help. It’s just going to destroy corporations struggling to survive while they try to drive our economy forward.”

Baldhamer described the growing fleet of al Qaeda jet aircraft as regularly crisscrossing the Atlantic Ocean. On one end of the air route, he said, are cocaine-producing areas in the Andes controlled by the leftist Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia. On the other are some of West Africa's most unstable countries.

Baldhamer said, "For one thing, these aren't destinations your typical American tourist would be interested in. But, these aircraft do hopscotch across South American countries, picking up tons of cocaine. For recreational enthusiasts, mega church pastors or Lohan family members, this beats the hell out of in-flight movies and stale snacks."

But without the same stringent safety standards imposed on U.S. operators by regulators, there exist few measurable assurances of quality.

"Prospective travelers should be wary of al Qaeda's service," Baldhamer cautioned. "Since its inception, this airline has demonstrated the most atrocious safety record in aviation history."

In the fall of 2001, al Qaeda pilots destroyed four planes in a single day, killing everyone aboard.

"Personally," Baldhamer continued, "I don't give a tinker's damn how low their fares are or if they offer free coke on the flights, I won't be booking any trips through them."

When asked about the service's free, unlimited baggage check policy, no restrictions on bringing liquids aboard, and lack of TSA security screenings, Baldhamer replied, "Well, that would be worth considering. But only for domestic flights."

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